Arcata City Council unanimously agrees to add further instructions to stop signs

STOP

By Hugo S’Furst, Traffic Correspondent

ARCATA, CALIF. – The City Council has reached an agreement to add further instructions to all stop signs city wide after a motion for votes was brought up by concerned citizens who complained of the confusion at intersections.

“I mean, yeah, I’ve seen those red signs, but I never really knew what they meant,” said one meeting attendee, who also admitted, “I usually go whenever it feels right; sometimes I don’t really stop at all!”

When the council asked the public in attendance what they normally do when arriving at intersections with stop signs, the consensus was just to say to other drivers, “Nah, you go, bro!”

Others maintained the appropriate way to maneuver these confusing intersections is to play “a game of chicken: the dominant driver goes first while the lesser driver has to wait.”

“Why don’t we just make every intersection a roundabout, like the one at 10th and I Streets?” an Arcata resident chimed in.

It seems no one knows quite what to do at a stop sign, but one thing is for certain: traffic accidents have gone up 97 percent since Humboldt State University resumed spring classes.

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Arcata City Council unanimously agrees to add further instructions to stop signs

HSU Rebrands Name, Logo to Respect Students With Silent Letter Sensitivities

humBOLT

ARCATA, CALIF. – Humboldt State University welcomed back students today with the unveiling of a new brand: humBOLT State University, accompanied by a three-striked lightning bolt logo.

“Millennials today are facing a wide number of new and unexplained sensitivities that can affect their learning abilities if not handled appropriately,” explained a faculty member. “The worst epidemic we’ve seen recently is the inability to understand words with silent letters, such as Humboldt, and handkerchief,” she added. “The arrival of younger and more annoying millennials each semester called for a more respectful brand.”

The University hopes the change will attract 2% more annoyingly oversensitive students in the next enrollment year.

 

 

HSU Rebrands Name, Logo to Respect Students With Silent Letter Sensitivities